I'm reading this awesome book on parenting called, "Negotiation Generation." It's main theme deals with the idea of being a proactive parent and using the concepts of teaching and encouraging to bring out positive behavior in a child. I love it because it's providing a lot of good ideas about how to get out of the yelling, resorting to groundings or taking away privileges approach (when I get into this mode, I always come away feeling horrible about myself and the way I treated the kids). One of the things the author has shared which was a big revelation..."if you have children who don't listen, you are talking too much."
I'll post more on this later...gotta run!
1 comment:
Hey, so I know I'm not a mother and don't have experience with what "works" and what doesn't in terms of discipline. But I'm a firm believer in modeling what the Word itself says about discipline.
I think our culture has made disciplining children into something "mean" that we do to our children, rather than seeing it as an act of love to teach them important Biblical principles like respecting authority and being obedient, not to mention the kind of discipline that keeps us safe.
If we want our children to have the DESIRE to be obedient not only to parents and other adults but most importantly to the instruction of God, than discipline - especially discipline that doesn't always "feel good" - is a critical part of that.
True discipline is never "pleasant" for the receiver OR the giver - I don't believe its meant to be something nice to experience (hence its EFFECTIVENESS). I don't think God LOVES to punish us, but rather he does it BECAUSE he loves us - as a way to help us live godly lives. Jonah is a perfect example of someone who was punished by God in an unpleasant way for being disobedient - yet God did so in order to get Him on the right path. Jonah was the only one trying to negotiate there, and God was having none of it!
I think that the idea of "Taking back your Parental Authority without Using Punishment" as the book title suggests is not based on a Biblical model, and ignores the fact that God HIMSELF uses punishment to teach His children as Scripture clearly points out. Here is the Scripture that I feel expresses that most clearly:
Hebrews 12:5-7
"And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."
Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?"
Since the verses compare God's discipline with that of a human parent/child relationship, I believe it is teaching us that it is ok to punish our children in a way they may not like, but certainly a way that is teaching them right behavior, so long as it is done in love with the intent to help, not harm.
There is no way to argue that Jesus never punished a child because Scripture never addresses it. But again, since the author of Hebrews (most popularly thought to be Paul) is set on teaching Christ-based theology, than surely he would not suggest punishment as an act of love if the author believed it to be against the teachings of Christ.
Obviously, these are personal convictions, and not ones I expect others to adopt. But I believe Hebrews 12:5-7 clearly outlines the God-given authority parents have to use punishment as a way to instruct in a loving way:
"The Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.....For what son is not disciplined by his father?"
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